if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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