I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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