it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
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Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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