Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
