What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
