Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
