I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
