Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
