had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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