I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
