Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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