well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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