Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
