You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
