so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
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VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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