According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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