i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
