Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
