Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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