Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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