If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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