note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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