I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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