Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
