at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
