I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Are we still banned from the library?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
