so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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