I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
