those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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