And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I believe in your delicious
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
