I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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