I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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