also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
