and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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