I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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