it was like eating out sand paper
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
