I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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