Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Someone signed my nipple.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
