Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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