dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
