"it" just moved
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
