Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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