it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think people are normalizing furries
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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