Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
