this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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