i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
this will be a night to untag.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
