dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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