Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
