Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Randomize
