dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
