I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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