We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
