the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
