This is not my ceiling
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
