i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
