there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
