Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
