dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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