Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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