Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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