Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
