Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You are the jesus of drinking
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize