So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
