his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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