I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
