I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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