Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
