dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
