You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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