just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
they're like a gay fantastic four
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
