Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
