bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
